His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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