is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
