I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize