Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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