You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
