just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
