my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
