your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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