Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
