I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
