glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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