There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
