Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
