it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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