I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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