I heard we made out
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
