Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
