sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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