1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize