For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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