i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
