I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
