how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had sex on a roof
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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