woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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