You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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