Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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