Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
