you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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