I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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