I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
