Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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