Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
