this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm like, not good at living.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
