Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
