The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
