She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
