when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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