He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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