Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
