May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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