I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sext me about skeletons
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
