he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
