That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
