we're blogging at a bar
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
