he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
being pregnant is like rehab
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
