does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
