if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize