Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't notice because vodka
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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