im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
