when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can you bring me the toilet please
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You are a genius and a whore.
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