Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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