Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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