then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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