absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
