My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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