I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
