some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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