please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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