I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
