I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
