Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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