So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
