How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
