exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
