is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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