remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
