I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
