you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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