so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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