I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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